Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
