Whod you bang
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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