I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
