You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
