I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
