..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
