There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
