Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
