If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
