Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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