I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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