it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
