we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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