you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
