I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
