What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
