Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
