I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
