i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
