Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
