I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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