She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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