do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
