dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
