he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
