Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
