I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
