No stitches, just platelets and will power
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
