I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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