she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
