I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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