Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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