is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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