where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
