Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
