I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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