He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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