Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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