Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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