got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
