i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
