Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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