Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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