see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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