Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also, beer. Big fan.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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