just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize