I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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