I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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