meet me or not, i'm out of control
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
