Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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