I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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