Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
