Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
