Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize