I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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