Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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