just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
