I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
