i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Damn victory sex feels great
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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