I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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