you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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