Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
