38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
