when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
