Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
