I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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