I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
