if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
