the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
