He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
