he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
