I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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