just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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