ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
