I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
