I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
