...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
