can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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