in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
