she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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