So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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