at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
