That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
