Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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