Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
