idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
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Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
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I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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