my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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