I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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