Barsexuality is the new black.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
