Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
