i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
