I hate your face
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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