is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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