my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
