my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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