My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
