I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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