there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
