What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
