i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
